Money for Money

I guess it's true that you have to spend money to make money. It's always a tough call though, to balance the out goings with the incomings. Lately my spending money to make money has been in the form of gambling (in the light sense of the word). Pub quiz, quiz machine, scratch card, spot of poker.

They've only been very small amounts, but I've had a small amount of luck. I won £7 on a scratch card last week, £3 on a quiz machine and £6 at poker. But I can see how some people might get to that stage where small just isn't big enough.

I'm contemplating going for a computer course, part-time from home type. I need to look into it to see how much these will cost and weigh up if it's all worth it in the long run. This is where spending money to make money comes into play. You have to consider if anything can be gained. It seems I keep repeating certain aspects of my life though, because I had this with the photography course. Which, incidently I didn't get to finish as I moved to a different county. But my thinking is that if I do a course from home, if I move again I can still continue with the course.

I think this will be my weekend task. That and actually getting around to updating my portfolio.

On another note, I was on the radio yesterday briefly talking about blogging. How mad is that. BBC Kent did a feature and interviewed a number of bloggers from Kent. I happened to be one of them. Sadly though the link from their site to mine doesn't work at the moment - but still I'm there all the same. (BBC Kent)

// song at time of writing: Heaven for the weather, hell for the company - Lostprophets

Life and Conversations

I've essentially just been getting on with things lately. I realised the other day that I haven't attempted to do anything related to what I want to do career wise, and then I tried to think why. The reason that came to mind was that I'd been too busy just living each day and not thinking any further ahead. I'd always wanted to live like that, but now I think I realise it doesn't really get you anywhere.

I sat down the other week and began some web design, which I haven't done since I moved here. It all comes down to how I feel. I'm more creative when I'm feeling a little blue. Before I moved I felt like I was stuck in a rut so I was really trying to get somewhere. Then when I moved everything was new and different. After a few months I guess the boredom of my job set in and a couple of other factors, so again I pick up the old habits.

Yet now I'm back to just living each day again, I'm meeting new people and doing new things. It takes away that sense of boredom which apparently I need to get myself anywhere. Unless I just need some self discipline to set some goals and acheive them. I guess I just need to find a happy medium.


// song at time of writing: Shooting up in vain - Eagle Eye Cherry

Surrealism Is

"Freud identified a deep layer of the human mind where memories and our most basic instincts are stored. He called this the unconscious, since most of the time we are not aware of it. The aim of Surrealism was to reveal the unconscious and reconcile it with rational life." (As stated by www.tate.org.uk)

Or more simply put something that is surreal is said to have "an oddly dreamlike quality." (As stated by www.dictionary.com)

Well that's what the last few weeks have been - quite surreal.

Just So

I do like things to be just so. I'm a bit annoying when it comes to things like that, I guess you could say I'm my mother's daughter.

For instance today I went to buy a new diary (I started out on the mid-year ones, now I can't get out of it), but of course I want a particular type. There wasn't any on the shelf so I asked the lady in the shop, she said they'd just had a new delivery and went to have a look. Needless to say when she returned they didn't have the sort I wanted. I shall probably make a dedicated trip just so I can get this one sort. Is that crazy? There were others there that would have served just as well.

Sometimes I truely know what I want, but that can only be said for the simple things in life. Nothing of any real importance.

// song at time of writing: Time Bomb - The Format

It's All Happening

Woop the month of happenings has begun.

On the calender we have:

12th May - Work Meal
13th May - Dave Matthews Acoustic, Birmingham
20th/21st May - London to Brighton Mini Run
23rd May - Josh Rouse, Rescue Rooms
26th May - Jason Mraz, Rock City
3rd June - Goo Goo Dolls, Brixton

Again I say woop.

// song at time of writing: Mona Lisa - Guster

Reassurance for Everyone

I have one question to ask today, why is it that some people are so unsure of themselves that they are constantly seeking reassurance?

// song at time of writing: Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

Settle for Second Best

Wow, it's been a while. Apologies for my absence, and for my empty promises.

So I've been living here in Nottingham for over a month now - needless to say I still don't really know the place that well. It seems that now I've moved to a place that has things in it, I spend my weekends going elsewhere, or at least that's how it feels.

Having a full-time job is a little bit different to only doing 14 hours a week. It's taking some getting used to, but I think I'm on top of it. Plus the hours are 8.30 - 4.30 which means I get a nice long evening (even if I do have to get up that little bit earlier). However, not so sure about the joining of the rat race. It's weird seeing the same people walking to work each morning, and walking back from work each afternoon - never quite sure whether or not to say hello, or maybe even just smile.

There's been good times, there's been bad times, there's been amazing times. And I'm pretty sure there will be plenty more over the next year.

It's my birthday on Wednesday. I'm not so sure I want to be 23, does that mean I have to grow up and become slightly more responsible? Definitely not ready for that one yet.

// song at time of writing: Caring Is Creepy - The Shins

Life in the Midlands

Well, I'm here. I have the Internet back. But I shall write more tomorrow, the low down as it were.

// song at time of writing: Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2

Transition Period

Well I'm moving tomorrow. I won't have the internet for a couple of weeks because I have to wait for them lovely people to come round and connect it. I'm scared and excited all at once. Here goes.

Annotations on Life

Sometimes I wish life was available with subtitles. Everything would make so much more sense. Running translations to aid the clueless. I feel like I need everything spelt out for me at the moment, clearly defined in black and white - none of that reading between the lines business, or searching through the grey matter. And if it was a repeat there would be a nice little 'r' in brackets so you knew you could skip that one and make other plans.

No point doing the same thing twice, right? Even though essentially we do the same thing day in and day out. Why have we moulded society this way? We complain, bitterly I'll add, about how each day is the same as the last (for most people, as there are always exceptions to any rule) but we only truely have ourselves to blame. It's all very well turning out the phrase "If you're not happy, then change." Some of us even attempt the 'change' - but eventually the old ways find us.

It's strange because we're always told that if we run away from our problems then they'll come back to haunt us - I guess the 'change' is just a different form of running, maybe it's running for the less travelled.

I've tried to change a couple of times, but my lack of motivation always fails me, that and I'm far too stuck in my ways - I think I fear the reactions I'd receive from others. It's one of the reasons I've always thought having a completely fresh start would be a good idea - I could reinvent myself. But at the end of the day that would never work for me - it's a person's personality that makes them who they are, and last time I checked personality by-passes weren't available.

Why is it when we say things out loud for others to hear it then becomes jinxed? Is a life of secrets being deceitful?


// song at time of writing: Pioneers - Bloc Party

Live by Limitations

So, I bought some of those books I kept eyeing up today.

The Rules of Attraction - Bret Easton Ellis
Post Office - Charles Bukowski
The Woman Who Walked Into Doors - Roddy Doyle
Blink - Malcolm Gladwell
In Praise Of Slow - Carl Honore

There's a load of others I could probably buy but I thought it was best to limit myself.

We've got the house, so all that's left is packing everything up and moving in next weekend. I say everything, but I will more than likely leave a huge amount of belongings at my parent's house in what will still obviously be 'my' room. It's funny how it takes us so long to actually really move out of home.

// song at time of writing: Smile - Remy Zero

Clocks Lie

Wow, a week and a half left of being a bookseller. I best buy all those books I keep eyeing up before I have to hand back my discount! Which also means it's only 2 and a half weeks until I start my new job. It's all a bit crazy and happening so quickly it doesn't really feel like I've had time to realise what's going on. We've put in the paperwork for the house, fingers crossed it all goes through and we can move in before March 5th - otherwise it'll be the joys of the floor of anybody who'll have us.

(I got a rose in the post today - it made me smile)

// song at time of writing: Something More - Train

Yesterday's News

I keep saying "I'll post tonight" then it gets to tonight and I say "I'll post tomorrow". I think it comes down to not having too much to say, even though essentially a lot is going on. Maybe it's because i seem to be saying everything out loud so much, to different people, so when I get to the computer it's like old news. Maybe.

// song at time of writing: Goodnight - Idlewild

Define Weird

Oo my first tag, thanks Jarvenpa. It's tricky though; '5 weird things about yourself'. I'm not sure what I clasify as weird but I'll give it a go...

1. I have a thing about odd numbers, I guess you could say I'm not a fan of them. If I'm eating biscuits out of a packet I have to have 2, I can't have just 1 or 3.. but I can have any multiples of 2. The same goes for the volume bar on a TV or stereo - it needs to be an even number. It weirds me out if it's not.

2. I itch my hands a lot when there's a big change happening in my life, I guess it's through being anxious. I'm not sure this is such a weird thing, but it can look pretty funny, especially when I take to blowing on my hands instead of itching.

3. I really like stationary, and therefore stationary shops.

4. I don't like going to the cinema, I get really fidgety, yet I'll quite happily sit in my room on my own and watch film after film.

5. I've always wanted to keep a diary, in the traditional sense, but whevener I've tried to put pen to paper I've never been able to write anything down. I think I'm too scared somebody might read my inner most thoughts.

Well, there's 5. Perhaps not weird per se but still. I would tag on but I don't actually know 5 other bloggers so instead I will just invite anybody who reads this page to state their 5 weird things.

// song at time of writing: Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band

Change of Scenery

Wow, I'm moving next month to a different county, with a different postal code. I'll have a new job, a new house, a new street to walk down every day. Let's just say I'm a little anxious, but maybe just maybe a little excited too. Yay for change.

// song at time of writing: Teen Angst - M83

New Shoes

So I don't normally make new year's resolutions, I know for a fact I wouldn't do it, but last night we all made one - I guess it was a conversation filler. So this year I will attempt to meet and befriend at least 10 new people.

Undecided On Fate

Circumstance is a funny old thing. What interests me and gets me pondering a lot is how one simple action or moment in time affects the next simple action or moment in time. Everything we do depends upon something prior. I think this is why I'm terrible at making decisions, I'm too scared of making the wrong one - even though that results in making no decision and in turn gets me nowhere.

What intrigues me though is how we all go through life, walking by hundreds of strangers who in that moment have, even though maybe very minutely, had an affect on your life. Yet we pay no attention. I will quite often sit in traffic and wonder where the car in front has been or is going, who that person has just seen or going to see, then in turn what that person is up to.

On the topic of fate though, I'm undecided. Are all these little moments in time already planned out? Has somebody already written our lives? Even if not exactly as it goes, are there certain parts that we are destined to live? Or is it all just a game of chance?

If circumstances were different I would have written something else today.

// song at time of writing: Please Bleed - Ben Harper

Typical Response

Merry bloody Christmas

// song at time of writing: I'm Ready - Jack's Mannequin

Sunday Frown

I think I've been frowning ever since I woke up this morning. I'm secretly hoping the new year will bring me a new wave of confidence and determination to get up and make something of myself. A reason to use my mind creatively. A purpose to interact with those around me. Essentially I'm just bored. Which is no reason to feel sorry for myself, but some days it just can't be helped.

// song at time of writing: Amie - Damien Rice

Day of Re-Discovery

It's one of those days where you go through the old. Listening to old albums you shelved after over playing them for weeks on end, appreciating them all over again, with fresh ears. They sound so different now. Looking at old photos abandoned in boxes beneath the bed, trying to put names to faces and reliving the moments with a chinese whisper spin on things.

Boxes full of memories, pieces of paper kept for setimental value at the time but you wonder what the value was. Collections of postcards written by people you haven't seen in 5 years, let alone spoken to, get filed under 'f' for 'forgotten'.

Some could say it's time for a clear out, others - like me - place everything back in the same locations, making the same indentations only to be re-discovered again, to play another game of chinese whispers.

// song at time of writing: Losing My Religion - R.E.M.