Undecided On Fate

Circumstance is a funny old thing. What interests me and gets me pondering a lot is how one simple action or moment in time affects the next simple action or moment in time. Everything we do depends upon something prior. I think this is why I'm terrible at making decisions, I'm too scared of making the wrong one - even though that results in making no decision and in turn gets me nowhere.

What intrigues me though is how we all go through life, walking by hundreds of strangers who in that moment have, even though maybe very minutely, had an affect on your life. Yet we pay no attention. I will quite often sit in traffic and wonder where the car in front has been or is going, who that person has just seen or going to see, then in turn what that person is up to.

On the topic of fate though, I'm undecided. Are all these little moments in time already planned out? Has somebody already written our lives? Even if not exactly as it goes, are there certain parts that we are destined to live? Or is it all just a game of chance?

If circumstances were different I would have written something else today.

// song at time of writing: Please Bleed - Ben Harper

Typical Response

Merry bloody Christmas

// song at time of writing: I'm Ready - Jack's Mannequin

Sunday Frown

I think I've been frowning ever since I woke up this morning. I'm secretly hoping the new year will bring me a new wave of confidence and determination to get up and make something of myself. A reason to use my mind creatively. A purpose to interact with those around me. Essentially I'm just bored. Which is no reason to feel sorry for myself, but some days it just can't be helped.

// song at time of writing: Amie - Damien Rice

Day of Re-Discovery

It's one of those days where you go through the old. Listening to old albums you shelved after over playing them for weeks on end, appreciating them all over again, with fresh ears. They sound so different now. Looking at old photos abandoned in boxes beneath the bed, trying to put names to faces and reliving the moments with a chinese whisper spin on things.

Boxes full of memories, pieces of paper kept for setimental value at the time but you wonder what the value was. Collections of postcards written by people you haven't seen in 5 years, let alone spoken to, get filed under 'f' for 'forgotten'.

Some could say it's time for a clear out, others - like me - place everything back in the same locations, making the same indentations only to be re-discovered again, to play another game of chinese whispers.

// song at time of writing: Losing My Religion - R.E.M.