Life in the Midlands

Well, I'm here. I have the Internet back. But I shall write more tomorrow, the low down as it were.

// song at time of writing: Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2

Transition Period

Well I'm moving tomorrow. I won't have the internet for a couple of weeks because I have to wait for them lovely people to come round and connect it. I'm scared and excited all at once. Here goes.

Annotations on Life

Sometimes I wish life was available with subtitles. Everything would make so much more sense. Running translations to aid the clueless. I feel like I need everything spelt out for me at the moment, clearly defined in black and white - none of that reading between the lines business, or searching through the grey matter. And if it was a repeat there would be a nice little 'r' in brackets so you knew you could skip that one and make other plans.

No point doing the same thing twice, right? Even though essentially we do the same thing day in and day out. Why have we moulded society this way? We complain, bitterly I'll add, about how each day is the same as the last (for most people, as there are always exceptions to any rule) but we only truely have ourselves to blame. It's all very well turning out the phrase "If you're not happy, then change." Some of us even attempt the 'change' - but eventually the old ways find us.

It's strange because we're always told that if we run away from our problems then they'll come back to haunt us - I guess the 'change' is just a different form of running, maybe it's running for the less travelled.

I've tried to change a couple of times, but my lack of motivation always fails me, that and I'm far too stuck in my ways - I think I fear the reactions I'd receive from others. It's one of the reasons I've always thought having a completely fresh start would be a good idea - I could reinvent myself. But at the end of the day that would never work for me - it's a person's personality that makes them who they are, and last time I checked personality by-passes weren't available.

Why is it when we say things out loud for others to hear it then becomes jinxed? Is a life of secrets being deceitful?


// song at time of writing: Pioneers - Bloc Party

Live by Limitations

So, I bought some of those books I kept eyeing up today.

The Rules of Attraction - Bret Easton Ellis
Post Office - Charles Bukowski
The Woman Who Walked Into Doors - Roddy Doyle
Blink - Malcolm Gladwell
In Praise Of Slow - Carl Honore

There's a load of others I could probably buy but I thought it was best to limit myself.

We've got the house, so all that's left is packing everything up and moving in next weekend. I say everything, but I will more than likely leave a huge amount of belongings at my parent's house in what will still obviously be 'my' room. It's funny how it takes us so long to actually really move out of home.

// song at time of writing: Smile - Remy Zero

Clocks Lie

Wow, a week and a half left of being a bookseller. I best buy all those books I keep eyeing up before I have to hand back my discount! Which also means it's only 2 and a half weeks until I start my new job. It's all a bit crazy and happening so quickly it doesn't really feel like I've had time to realise what's going on. We've put in the paperwork for the house, fingers crossed it all goes through and we can move in before March 5th - otherwise it'll be the joys of the floor of anybody who'll have us.

(I got a rose in the post today - it made me smile)

// song at time of writing: Something More - Train

Yesterday's News

I keep saying "I'll post tonight" then it gets to tonight and I say "I'll post tomorrow". I think it comes down to not having too much to say, even though essentially a lot is going on. Maybe it's because i seem to be saying everything out loud so much, to different people, so when I get to the computer it's like old news. Maybe.

// song at time of writing: Goodnight - Idlewild

Define Weird

Oo my first tag, thanks Jarvenpa. It's tricky though; '5 weird things about yourself'. I'm not sure what I clasify as weird but I'll give it a go...

1. I have a thing about odd numbers, I guess you could say I'm not a fan of them. If I'm eating biscuits out of a packet I have to have 2, I can't have just 1 or 3.. but I can have any multiples of 2. The same goes for the volume bar on a TV or stereo - it needs to be an even number. It weirds me out if it's not.

2. I itch my hands a lot when there's a big change happening in my life, I guess it's through being anxious. I'm not sure this is such a weird thing, but it can look pretty funny, especially when I take to blowing on my hands instead of itching.

3. I really like stationary, and therefore stationary shops.

4. I don't like going to the cinema, I get really fidgety, yet I'll quite happily sit in my room on my own and watch film after film.

5. I've always wanted to keep a diary, in the traditional sense, but whevener I've tried to put pen to paper I've never been able to write anything down. I think I'm too scared somebody might read my inner most thoughts.

Well, there's 5. Perhaps not weird per se but still. I would tag on but I don't actually know 5 other bloggers so instead I will just invite anybody who reads this page to state their 5 weird things.

// song at time of writing: Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band

Change of Scenery

Wow, I'm moving next month to a different county, with a different postal code. I'll have a new job, a new house, a new street to walk down every day. Let's just say I'm a little anxious, but maybe just maybe a little excited too. Yay for change.

// song at time of writing: Teen Angst - M83

New Shoes

So I don't normally make new year's resolutions, I know for a fact I wouldn't do it, but last night we all made one - I guess it was a conversation filler. So this year I will attempt to meet and befriend at least 10 new people.

Undecided On Fate

Circumstance is a funny old thing. What interests me and gets me pondering a lot is how one simple action or moment in time affects the next simple action or moment in time. Everything we do depends upon something prior. I think this is why I'm terrible at making decisions, I'm too scared of making the wrong one - even though that results in making no decision and in turn gets me nowhere.

What intrigues me though is how we all go through life, walking by hundreds of strangers who in that moment have, even though maybe very minutely, had an affect on your life. Yet we pay no attention. I will quite often sit in traffic and wonder where the car in front has been or is going, who that person has just seen or going to see, then in turn what that person is up to.

On the topic of fate though, I'm undecided. Are all these little moments in time already planned out? Has somebody already written our lives? Even if not exactly as it goes, are there certain parts that we are destined to live? Or is it all just a game of chance?

If circumstances were different I would have written something else today.

// song at time of writing: Please Bleed - Ben Harper

Typical Response

Merry bloody Christmas

// song at time of writing: I'm Ready - Jack's Mannequin

Sunday Frown

I think I've been frowning ever since I woke up this morning. I'm secretly hoping the new year will bring me a new wave of confidence and determination to get up and make something of myself. A reason to use my mind creatively. A purpose to interact with those around me. Essentially I'm just bored. Which is no reason to feel sorry for myself, but some days it just can't be helped.

// song at time of writing: Amie - Damien Rice

Day of Re-Discovery

It's one of those days where you go through the old. Listening to old albums you shelved after over playing them for weeks on end, appreciating them all over again, with fresh ears. They sound so different now. Looking at old photos abandoned in boxes beneath the bed, trying to put names to faces and reliving the moments with a chinese whisper spin on things.

Boxes full of memories, pieces of paper kept for setimental value at the time but you wonder what the value was. Collections of postcards written by people you haven't seen in 5 years, let alone spoken to, get filed under 'f' for 'forgotten'.

Some could say it's time for a clear out, others - like me - place everything back in the same locations, making the same indentations only to be re-discovered again, to play another game of chinese whispers.

// song at time of writing: Losing My Religion - R.E.M.

Mortar Board

I never said did I? I'm a fully fledged graduate. Picked up my piece of paper, shook the man's hand, wore the outfit (not necessarily in that order) and everything! Go me.

// song at time of writing: Get It Together - The Go! Team

Car Stickers

Sh*t Happens

City Dwellers

Went to London today, now I feel shattered. I may even go to bed before 12 which for me is very rare, very rare indeed.

// song at time of writing: Something Better Change - The Stranglers

Need Some Focus

And I don't just mean something to set my sights on - which obviously would be useful. Why can I not get my photos in focus?! I picked up a film today that i got developed and most are out of focus; a couple aren't bad but I just feel so dissappointed when that happens. Maybe somebody will teach me.

First day at work today; was only supposed to be 3 hours, but ended up as 6 so that was alright (bit of the extra money thing). Have to go in at 9 tomorrow.

And at dinner today I was actually talking to my family about art and the way people interpret it - sounds obscure to me now when I say that but it's true. We had the 'Art School' BBC2 on the tv and actually had a discussion about art. Weird.

// Task: To spend at least 30 minutes on my portfolio - Done
// song at time of writing: In The Name Of Love - U2

Pick Up The Pen

I like handwritten letters. There is something so personal about them. Receiving one always puts a smile on my face; and in this day and age they're a rare treat. Desks these days don't have endless supplies of pens, instead endless supplies of removable storage media. I find that sad.

Failed yet another task on Saturday, I didn't set one for Sunday. Monday I'll start over.

And Monday is also my first day in my new job with books. Here's to working in a bookshop. My third job since moving back home. Maybe some web company will realise my potential by the end of the year and snap me up. *dream dream dream*.

// song at time of writing: Bird Stealing Bread - Iron And Wire

For The Last Time

Ooh, it's my last night tonight! I told most of them yesterday that I was leaving, and they actually sounded genuinely surprised. I'll be glad when it's over though.

It was sooo cold this morning at 6.00, had to scrape the windscreen. Mind you I'm cold now.

So, I'm already getting slack about doing my little tasks. I didn't do my task for Friday - To cycle for 15 minutes. As a forfeit I will have to cycle for twice as long; I'll save it for during the week though, hehe.

I'm a bit all over the place today, not too sure what I'm doing, or maybe what I should be doing. Think it's one of those non days where you don't exactly do much of any worth. Wouldn't it be something to do something of worth everyday? I don't mean something that changes the lives of others necessarily, but something of worth to yourself; let's be realistic.

// song at time of writing: She drove me to daytime television - Funeral For A Friend

Heavy Eyes

Well, just got back from work; now I only have two nights left. I think I may go to sleep now though because I'm bound to get woken up early for some reason or other.

Technically it's still yesterday (I haven't been to sleep yet) so..

// Task: To apply to at least 3 jobs - Done